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            7个贴士:如何与不喜欢的相处并完成工作

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            It’s a basic fact of life that, unless you’re Will Rogers, you can’t get along with everyone. Unfortunately, it’s also a fact that throughout your life, you’ll be in situations where you simply have to communicate with some of those people you just can’t stand. This may be an annoying boss, an ingratiating fan, a spineless co-worker, a difficult client, an abrasive in-law, and any number of people with any number of faults.

            As much as you might like to run away and hide when you see these people coming, you’ll often need to work with them, sometimes (too) closely, in order to achieve your goals. You don’t always have to be nice – professional and to-the-point will often get the job done just as well – but you do need to make yourself understood clearly or risk letting your dislike translate into inefficient communication that hinders or even undermined entirely whatever projects you’re working on.

            Fortunately, all it really takes is patience — with yourself as much as with the other person — and a little discipline to make sure you stay on the same page – and that you don’t get caught up in whatever makes them so hard to get along with in the first place.

            1. Listen.

            A lot of conflicts are based in misunderstandings, so always make sure you’re getting everything, It can be easy enough to tune someone out when they annoy you; the trick is to use careful questioning to focus the other person on the topic at hand so they give you what you need and avoid straying too far. Poor listening leads to misunderstandings that need clarification – which means more time spent with someone you’d really rather not be around.

            2. Repeat everything.

            Besides the tendency to tune out people you’d rather avoid, our feelings about another person can color our perception of what they’re saying. To avoid this, repeat back any instructions, questions, or other problems they pose to you to make sure you absolutely understand what they’re saying. Give them a chance to correct you before you go off half-cocked, sure you know what “that kind of person” wants.

            3. Keep your cool.

            It’s tempting to want to argue with people who rub you the wrong way, or to lose it and start pointing out their faults. Don’t do that! Unless they’re wrong about something that directly and materially affects you, don’t bother – starting a debate or, worse, an argument will only prolong your agony – and neither of you is likely to change your mind. Save the debates for when you’re with friends whose opinions matter to you.

            4. Be clear about boundaries.

            You don’t have to be friends with everyone. Which means you don’t have to do favors for everyone who asks. If someone’s encroaching on your time, simply tell them, “I’m sure this is important to you but it simply isn’t a priority for me right now. I really need to work on x and not y.” Again, there’s no need to be mean, just redirect the conversations whenever conversation drifts into areas that aren’t relevant and where you know you’ll be annoyed.

            5. Fight fire with ice.

            The worst thing you can do with an angry or irrational person is engage him or her. In the heat of agGREssion, any word or action interpreted as agGREssive in response will only trigger more agGREssion – and most of the item, if someone is upset and railing about it, every word and action will be read as agGREssion. As hard as it might seem to do, the best thing is to sit quietly and let them spend themselves ranting and raving, and then ask if they’d like to schedule a time to discuss the matter more calmly and return to whatever you were doing. If this sets off another round of yelling, simply wait it out and repeat.

            It sucks, but the bottom line is you have nothing to gain by engaging with an irate person in the heat of the moment. And while it may seem that you’re giving up control of the situation – after all, you’re sitting there passively taking it all in, even abuse – most people feel ashamed and contrite after an outburst, especially one in which their target clearly was not responding to or inciting them, which puts you back in charge when there’s actually something you can do about the situation.

            6. Close the door.

            While you may have to interact with people you don’t care for in any number of situations, remember that your time is your own and don’t let other people, especially ones you’d rather not interact with, take control of your time.

            Communication outside of the narrow band needed to fulfill both of your objectives should be minimized – which often means forcefully limiting such talk. Make it clear when you are unavailable, and make yourself unavailable as often as possible. If you have the power, require that your partner make an appointment, and gently reject any effort to discuss your work or projects outside of that scheduled time. People – even annoying people – tend to respect the time of people who make a clear showing that they take their own time very seriously.

            7. You’re valuable. Remember it.

            If you’ve found yourself in a position where you are obligated for some reason to spend time with someone you dislike, remember that most likely, they are in the same position – and it’s you they dislike. But you wouldn’t be in that situation if you didn’t provide something of value – whether that’s a work skill or talent, specialized knowledge, even things as abstract as emotional support or solidarity. You have a mission, so to speak, and everything that distracts you from that mission reduces your value.

            Remember that, and don’t be afraid to remind others of that. You are valuable, which means they need you as much as you need them. If you’re spending your working time listening to someone on your team going on and on about the sandwich she made the night before for her lunch today, it’s ok to remind her that she’s not making the best use of the value you bring.

            People that are annoying, difficult, selfish, boring, or otherwise a chore to deal with are that way for reasons that have nothing to do with you – it’s not your job to fix, engage with, or indulge those tendencies. Don’t worry abut figuring them out or correcting them, worry instead about how you’re going to manage their annoyances without letting it hinder your ability to achieve your own goals. What is your place is to take the control the other person has clearly relinquished, and making sure you get out of the contact what you need. The tips above will help.

            Dustin M. Wax is the project manager at Stepcase Lifehack. He is also the creator of The Writer's Technology Companion, a site devoted to the tools of the writing trade. When he's not writing, he teaches anthropology and gender studies in Las Vegas, NV. He is the author of Don't Be Stupid: A Guide to Learning, Studying, and Succeeding at College.



             

            生活就是这样,你不可能取悦于每个人,除非你是罗杰斯。不幸的是,在一些场合中,我们不可避免的需要和那些不喜欢的看不惯的人打交道,这也是生活的一部分。他们可能是令人讨厌的老板,疯狂的追星族,懦弱无能的同事,难缠的当事人,伤感情的姻亲。他们可能是任何人,犯着各种各样的错误。

            尽管你看到他们的时候,你就想立刻逃走,对他们进而远之,但很多时候,却又必须和他们合作。有时为了达到目标,你和他们的关系甚至会显得亲密。你并需要时时刻刻都很唯诺,专业技术和恰到好处的热情也同样可以帮助你完成这项工作。但有一点你需要记住的是,不要将你的不满演绎成为彼此之间的物理沟通,进而阻碍工作的发展。

            1. 倾听

            误解是很多纷争产生的原因,所以你要时刻确保你获取了对方说话的全部信息。对于那些看不惯的人,你很容易对他们产生一种排斥。这其中的小诀窍是,你要用一些小的暗示提醒自己集中在别人对这个问题的看法上,从而获取他们给你的信息,也避免心偏离的更远。需要澄清一下的是,如果误解是由于听力不好而导致的,那么这意味着你需要花更多的时间和他解释,尽管你是多么希望这个人赶快滚出去。

            2.重复

            除了容易排斥那些看不惯的人之外,我们对一个人的感觉常常使我们对他们所说的内容产生一种带有感情色彩的认知。为了避免这种情况,将他们向你提出的建议,问题和困难都一一进行重复,确保你是真正明白了他们的意思。在你要发怒之前,给他们一个纠正的机会,这样你就会“这类人”想要的究竟是什么。

            3.保持冷静

            人都有这样一种本能,当你被别人以一种不恰当的方式打断你惹怒了你,你总会不由的停下来然后指出他们的错误。千万别这样做。除非他们犯了很严重的错误,直接或者从根本上影响到了你,否则,千万不要发怒不耐烦,因此产生的辩论甚至是争论只会使你更不满,而且你们当中的任何一个人都不会改变自己的看法。留着这些精力去和那些对你会产生影响的朋友去辩论吧。

            4.分清界限

            你不必和每个人都成为朋友,这就意味着当别人要求你帮助的时候你不必每个都答应。如果有人侵犯了你的时间,就直接告诉他们说,“我知道这个对你很重要,但对我来说,这个目前不是最首要的。我必须先做X而不是Y。”同样,你也没必要压抑自己,当谈话偏离了正题或者要进入你的死穴(你的敏感话题,你知道你会被惹毛的话题)时,就大方的将他们纠正过来。

            5.以静制动

            当和一个正生气或已经神志不清的人打交道时,最糟糕的就是继续和他们争论。在一场激烈的战争中,任何一个被对方视为具有侵略性的动作或语言都只会引起更激烈的争论。在很多的情况中,如果有一方感到不满并加以指责,那么他的每句话每个动作在对方看来都是带有侵略性的。的确,正如看上去一样,这种事情很难办。最好的方法就是静静的坐在一边,听他们歇斯底里的咆哮,然后完了之后问他们什么时候能安排出时间冷静的讨论一下这个问题,重新回到你们正在做的事情上来。如果这样做引起了再一次的爆发,那就继续坐到一边,重复刚刚的过程吧。这些需要沉得住气,但你需要有自己的底线,那就是和这些正在发怒的人争论,你并不会有任何的收获。尽管这样做,看上去你是放弃了对整体情况的控制,毕竟你只是坐在那,接收了全部的信息,包括他们的辱骂。事后,大部分人都会很愧疚并且从他们的怒火中醒悟过来,尤其是在那些他们的对手根本就无意激怒他们的情况中,更是如此。若此,当你真正需要对现实情况做出什么决策时,你又重新回到了主导的位置。

            6.拒绝来访

            你可能在很多不同的场合需要和那些你不喜欢的人打交道。记着时间是你自己的,不要让其他人,尤其是那些你并不想与之有交集的人,占据控制了你的时间。

            从紧凑的行程中安排出来的交谈,时间是很有限的,这就需要将双方的目的进行最简短的概括,这其实也是一种强制性的缩短了双方的交谈。你需要明确的让对方知道你什么时间是没有空的,并且尽量确实做到如此。如果有能力的话,你可以让你的秘书帮你安排一个约会,然后礼貌的拒绝任何企图在计划之外的时间中和你讨论工作的人。任何人,即便是那些令人感到讨厌的人,也会尊重那些很尊重自己时间的人的时间。

            7.记住你的价值

            处于一些义务上的原因,你不得不陪着一些你不喜欢的人,如果你发现你处于这样的情况之中,那么你要知道,对方很可能也处于同样的状况之中,他们不喜欢的也正是你。无论是工作技能还是天赋,专业技术,或者甚至是一些就像情感上的支持和团结一样的抽象的东西,你一定显示出了你的价值,否则你就不会处于这样的情境之中。这样来说,你有你的使命,任何使你在完成你的使命时感到分心的事务都会减少你自身的价值。

            记住那一点,并且不要俱于让别人知道。你是有价值的,这就意味着,他们需要你,正如你也需要他们一样。如果在你工作的时候你的工作团队里面有人不断在说他昨天晚上为今天午餐准备的三明治,不妨告诉她她现在所做并没有能够好好利用你所带来的价值。

            那些令人厌烦的,顽固的,吝啬的,无聊的人,还有那些繁琐之事,他们的存在有他们的道理,但这些与你无关,你不需要关注或者参与到其中,但也不要听之任之。不要害怕指出他们的不足并加以纠正。取而代之,你要处理好他们的不满,不让他们阻碍你成功的步伐。你所要做的是接管那些别人明确表示拒绝做的,从中找到你自己的位置,并且确保从中得到你想要的。以上的建议或许会给你一些帮助。

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