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            怎样成为一个优秀的聆听者

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            Listening to people is a fine art that needs to practiced. If you are like most people, then chances are you often interrupt others while they are still talking. In your defense, you could say that a long-winded, one-sided conversation is the quickest turn off ever, and while this might be true, it just shows basic respect for the other person when we are prepared to listen to them without consistently interrupting their speech.

            A typical example is Larry King. I've been watching a lot of Larry lately after the Michael Jackson fiasco and noticed he always interrupts his guests. I find this very rude. I do realize that he probably has to stick to some fast-paced schedule, but still, his abrupt interruptions are not really cool, nor are they professional.

            As it stands though, none of us ever likes to be interrupted anyway. If it does happen, we tend to feel ignored, overlooked and unappreciated. So how can we still get our message across while becoming a better listener in the process? If you like to try this yourself, then please read on:

            *Take turns
            Failed discussions are almost always interpersonal related. It is during the process of screaming at the kids or arguing with our partner when we fail to listen to what the other party has to say.To help navigate the mental minefield in such a situation it helps to give each person/party its own turn where they can speak for a minute or two, telling what's on their minds while you listen. After their time is up, it's your turn to speak. It works!With a bit of training and a willingness from both sides to give this a fair go you will actually resolve matters a lot faster because instead of trying to out-shout one another to get heard, everyone can have their say in relative peace, allowing easier conflict solving.

            *Remove your prejudice
            How often do we shut off to another person's message just because we don't aGREe with them? We do it all the time. Since we are human, we all have our own opinion on things. That's perfectly fine. But you know as well as I do that everything has two sides. Remember, yin and yang, good and bad, right and wrong!By removing our prejudice to actually listen to what the other person has to say we remove self-imposed brain blockages and open ourselves up for proper communication with the other party. You should try it, because you might be surprised what you learn during the process.

            *Practice eye contact
            A discussion without eye contact is like a body without a soul. Something lacks - a personal touch. If you are guilty of shutting off to other people's talk, could it be because you don't make eye contact with them while talking to one another?Granted, this is hard to do when speaking on the phone, but the next tip might help you in those situations.Practice eye contact when you speak with someone the next time. Initially it might be hard because many people are actually uncomfortable looking into each other's eyes. However, it will be worth your while because in doing so you establish a new intimacy between the people involved and I'm almost willing to guarantee that this will help to form a better bond between you.

            *Show courtesy
            To me, courtesy is a life essential. I was brought up to show courtesy to others. This helps when we speak with people on the phone. However, there are situations when you just can't listen to someones rambling any longer. The worst real life situations are call center calls. In that case, firmly tell them you are not interested to hear what else they have to say and if they ignore your plea, then hang up the phone.

            *Silence is key
            Sometimes, saying nothing says so much more. The messages you tell when you are silent can be read in your body language, so be careful how you hold yourself at the next staff meeting.By being silent and observing what the other person has to say we learn to pick up on their energies and the messages they DON'T speak. This is a GREat tool if you work with people, because you can gain a deeper insight into their personalities by being a better observer. What are your favorite listening tips? Feel free to share, it's your turn to speak.

             

            聆听他人是需要不断练习的艺术。如果你和大多数人一样,很有可能常常在别人讲话的时候打断他们。在你看来,一个冗长枯燥的、一边倒的谈话是让人极其厌烦的事,当然你说的或许没错,但当我们准备好好聆听,而不是一味打断他们讲话的时候,这至少显示了我们对他人的基本尊重。

            一个典型的例子是Larry King。Michael Jackson的惨剧发生后后我看了很多期Larry的节目,发觉他经常打断嘉宾讲话。我认为这是一种很无礼的行为。我想可能他的行程很匆忙,即使如此,他唐突的打岔仍是非常不好的,而且非常不专业。

            事实就是这样,我们讲话的时候不喜欢被打断。如果出现了这种情况,我们会觉得自己被低估、被忽视了,并且不受到赏识。因此在成为一个更好的聆听者的同时又该如何传达出我们的信息呢?要是你希望做些尝试,那么请继续读下去:

            *轮流说话

            不成功的谈话几乎都发生在人与人之间。也正是在对孩子大喊大叫抑或和合作伙伴争吵中,我们忘了去聆听对方想要说的话。轮流说话可以帮助你找出在这种情况下精神上的雷区,让你给对方一到两分钟的时间说出自己的想法。他们说完后你再开 始说。这确实很有效。一些训练并且愿意给双方均等的机会,你会发现很多事一会儿就解决了。因为让人在相对和谐的环境下说完要说的话,而非对着彼此大吵大闹,更容易让化解争端。

            *丢掉你的偏见
            多少次我们打断对方仅仅是因为彼此观点相左?我们一直都在这么做。因为我们是人类,对事物有自己的观点。这完全没 有问题。但你应该知道尽管如此,任何事物都具有两面性。切记,阴和阳,好和坏,对和错!
            丢掉偏见,认认真真的去听对方想要传达的信息,实际上也是帮我们解除自己强加的思想束缚,并且有助于更好的和他人交流。你不妨试试,因为你可能会惊讶于自己在这个过程中的收获。

            *进行眼神交流
            没有眼神交流的谈话就像没有灵魂的躯体。有一些东西缺失了——更人性化的一面。如果你对打断他人说话感到惭愧,有没有可能是由于你们在谈话时没有眼神交流?的确,在讲电话时这有些困难,但下面一条建议也许对你在哪些情况下有所帮助。下一次,当你和某个人讲话时别忘了进行眼神交流。刚开始也许有点困难,因为很多人不习惯看着别人的眼睛说话。但是,这绝对对你有好处。因为这么做,可以拉近彼此的距离。我几乎可以肯定这有助于双方建立更好的关系。

            *对他人要有礼貌
            对于我来说,礼貌是生活中必不可少的东西。我生来就被教导要对他人有礼貌。当我们讲电话是这点很有帮助。然而,有些时候你就是无法忍受某人在那滔滔不绝。现实生活中最糟糕的情况要数电话服务中心的电话了吧。既然那样,坚定地告诉他们你对他们要说的任何话都不感兴趣;如果他们不听你的请求,那么就把电话挂了吧。

            *沉默是金
            有的时候,什么都不说反而更有效。当你保持沉默的时候,可以通过你的肢体语言知道你想要说的话,所以在下次员工大会上要注意你的姿态。

            保持沉默同时注意他人说的话,我们可以感受到他人的能量并且领悟到那些他们没有传达的信息。这在你和人工作时会很有帮助,因为通过更好的聆听,你可以对他人的性格有更深的了解。

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